Spread the Love Around

There is nothing I hate worse than the beginning of a cold. Lets discuss this shall we? How many freakin times have you been sitting around and one of your coworkers or family members is sick and sneezing all over your space? It’s not pretty. In fact, it is downright terrifying. Because no matter what you do, you know it’s going to get you. You can pretend that it doesn’t exist or that its not coming (right away maybe) or that you are too positive to get it (ha freakin ha). It doesn’t matter what type of guru magic you know or the feng shue of your apartment…you are going to get sick! It is in the cards. That beginning of it is the worst. Your throat starts to hurt a little bit. You think, I will just take some “extra” vitamin c. Yeah right, like you haven’t eaten any fruits or vegetables for months now you are going to eat some vitamin c. sure thing. You may also think, I will get some extra rest. Ok like you ever take a nap. Hello…are you 5? What about the popular one, I just wont go near them? HaHaHa. Try doing that to your husband or wife and you, my friend, are in for some trouble. Give it up. Next, comes the sneeze or two. Try ten in a row. Then, the slight discomfort in your body. Maybe one chill every now and then. Its coming and you are still planning that big weekend with the guys. HaHaHa. Give it up! Not even a Nascar racer could get away from this germ. It has a hold of you like skin on a leg quarter. All you can do now is suck it up. Or better yet, do what everyone else does, spread the love around my friend, spread it around.

Birds of a Feather do not Flock Together!

Living in Florida now, I have the wide-open world of nature at my front door, literally. I have cats that love me, ducks that quack at me and human beings that give me the sign. Isn’t nature great! I may not be like that lady who lived and pee’d with the elephants, but I am just as earthy and as scientific as her. For example, just the other day I was walking along the beautiful retention fountain outside my apartment when I heard a loud crying sound. It was like a chirping cry. I saw a tiny little brown and yellow spotted chick. It was lost and running around looking for its mother. I felt horrible for this little guy or gal that was lost and alone. I realized that I had to save it! This was my big day! I was going to be the hero! Yes! I chased that little sucker around the complex on my hands and knees with everyone looking at me like I was hurting the dang thing! It was not pleasant. I felt like Rocky trying to catch that darn chicken! Duh na na, Duh na na…! Anyway, I finally caught it and began to run to the side of the pond with the mama duck and her brown and yellow spotted babies. Next to her was another duck with her plain yellow babies. As I ran to the edge of the water, I tossed the little guy head first into the water straight at the mother with the brown and yellow siblings. He landed with a PLOP! He began to swim with his mates. But wait a minute. So did the plain yellow ones! Because they were sitting next to each other they all got mixed up. Some yellows were with the brown and yellow and some brown and yellow were with the yellow! How could this be! All this work to get that freakin’ baby back with his rightful mother and a different mama was going to raise him and he would have yellow siblings too! What the heck. At first I was upset then I realized that they all looked so cute together. Almost like world peace in a way. The yellow people with the brown people and the spotted people with the single color people and so on and so forth. It was kinda cool. I never knew that birds of a feather did not flock together…and God saw it and said it was good.

We Don't Know Crap

Ok, so am I the only freakin’ person in the world that has been asking for three freakin’ weeks, “How did she die?” Does anyone care how Anna Nicole Smith died? I mean really. It has been going on and on and no one ever mentions how she died or even that she was or wasn’t killed. They don’t even say,” Gee that’s odd. A woman as young as her just dies for no apparent reason. Odd.” Not one media station that I have watched every morning on the news has carried it. Nothing. I thought we were a country that loved that kind of thing. I mean, hey, we come to a freakin’ standstill on the highway when a man is changing his tire so why aren’t we asking how she died? Have we turned into a caring and loving nation where we just want to know, “Who gets that lovely baby now?” I mean give me a break. Yes, have the baby that’s great now how did she die! I have to know. It is killing me. Was she poisoned or strangled or suffocated or drugged or the list goes on and on by now. I think we all would do well with a dose of some realistic crime scene photos don’t you think? Isn’t that what society wants anyway? Don’t we love Law and Order and CSI? Wouldn’t we all feel a little bit better knowing that yes, in fact, Howard Stern, not the lawyer, but the radio dj…DID IT! That is the real trumped up conspiracy theory for you! What a twist too. He took his shirt off in front of Anna Nicole and she collapsed right there. Boom. The End. Now don’t get me wrong. I am not being cold and uncaring. I do care about this poor woman. I care so much I want to know how she freakin’ died. I think we should all petition to find out how. Why not? You all work on that and have me sign it when you get it together! Poor Anna Nicole. May we all rest in peace knowing we don’t know crap.

Acclimation Overload

Ok what is the biggest difference between Jackson, MS and Jacksonville, FL? And no…don’t say the “ville.” Listen up. There is a big difference. At first glance the city is more segregated than Jackson is. The population has more colors of people but they are much more divided. Let me tell you, I do not find that comforting. This type of separatism binds the city it dwells in. People only go from one section of town to the next avoiding the part of town that isn’t there color. Don’t worry; I am not getting all Langston Hughes on you, but really people, lets integrate a little bit. Ok so I have to always bring you both sides to every story right? There are some blacks and whites that actually are glad they have their own side of town without the other color mixed in. Can you believe it? It’s almost like the North and the South! Hey, wait a freakin’minute. Maybe Jackson isn’t any different than here. Are they just as segregated there? Is this whole practice old news since I live in Bentleys World? Well, you wont find any dry or sarcastic humor in this blog today folks. Those damn rebels can keep their land, us Floridians don’t want it. We have enough problems!

Lab Mice Diet Everyday

Let’s take the diet out of diet. I know what you’re thinking…who the heck am I to talk about diets? I have a lot to say believe it or not. Let me tell you that I have never had a better drink than Fresca. Yes people, I have led and lead a very dull and boring life here on planet Bentley. Did you know that they don’t make diet fresca because fresca is all diet? Somehow as I told my mother this last week, I felt the slightest bit of an ego come upon me. I am so big and cool that I drink a diet drink that has no claim to be “diet”. How cool! No really. I am no sissy. Drinking diet gives off a connotation that only lightweights and young girls drink diet. I get to drink a light and crispy, citrus filled, fruity beverage with no sugar added, that doesn’t say DIET. Trust me I feel no sense of urgency to drink a cool beverage that has the word DIE in it. I know all the mice stories. Drinking diet kills lab rats. At least by drinking fresca, I am not advertising my diet choice at least to those who know no better. Happy diet drinking!

The War is Over-The Civil War that is!

Let’s face the facts people, the North won! I know that many of you do not want to face that fact and wish to continue the Civil War but it is over! I have had the chance to meet many different communities of people since I moved from my home state of Ohio. In that time, I have heard many northern bashers or “Yankee-haters”, as well as, southern bashers or “rebel-haters.” This has continued through my adult life and I am astounded every time someone makes a hateful or spiteful comment about either area. I won’t tell you want kind of people I wish to hang my hat with, get a new flag ding bat, but I will tell you that we are all created equal. Yeah right! Let’s face it…the north and south are different and with good reason. For example, northerners are faster paced than southerners. This is good for living in the colder climate…able to walk through snow and sleet at a faster clip without much harm to your person. If southerners tried to walk through the snow, they would last about one or two drawls of their bowlegs and “splat” face first into the snow. On the other hand, southerners are well known for their good ole food. This comes in handy at church picnics and gatherings. If northerners had a gathering it would be to boycott something and I guarantee there wouldn’t be food there. It’s obvious to me that both sides of the war are still in abundance and they are crossing lines everyday and people don’t like it! For example, last week I was at a southern beach with a friend and several guys walked by and yelled, “northerners!” to us. Ok, I may be pale but I am not that pale that I look like a northerner! Maybe it was the fact that I wore jeans to the beach or that I have the darkest hair this side of the Mississippi river. I am not sure but I took it as a compliment, not a slight. People could yell, “northerner!” at me all day and I would say, “without a doubt you rebel rouser you!” Seems to me that southerners have charm and northerners have logic. Southerners are carefree and northerners are serious. Southerners have Beale Street and northerners have Wall Street. It’s obvious, we will never change and as a country we will always stick with our side…no matter how skewed and distorted. Get a new flag, the cotton-picking war is ovah!