The Real Reason the "South" lost

I suppose if I was being politically correct, the subject matter of this post would be called insects instead of the more enjoyable, BUGS. When I lived elsewhere in the world I had a pretty good idea why the "south" lost until I moved here. This is when the real reason or shall I say the man behind the curtain emerged or the elephant in the living room no one talks about really came into the light. It was bugs my friends, bugs. I don't just mean an ant here or a mosquito there, I mean BUGS. Fact number one: Bugs in Mississippi outnumber the humans that chose to inhabit their land, their airspace, their home. These bugs are pissed off and if you don't believe me let me tell you a few things that may make you come to the light too. There have been some "situations" occur since I moved to this grand Confederate state of Mississippi. The state that has earned its place in history because of its music, its friendliness, its tea, its southern fried foods, its heat...I could go on and on. I really do believe Mississippi is more than just the word we use when we're counting, one Mississippi, two Mississippi. This state truly has some awesome history and some great people but unfortunately with the bug crux that threatens to doom most Yankees and send 'em running for their lives, I don't see how the Hospitality state will come out of this in the end. For example, a roach the size of freakin' Texas (really it was about 3 inches long) crawled on my neck as I sat in bed reading one night. I had felt something on my neck and thought it was probably those silly pesky lovable mosquitoes everyone talks about. However, my fingers brushed the shell of a roach and I screamed louder than a woman giving birth on fire in the middle of a Yankees game. I grabbed it and threw it across the room (mistake #one) wherein it ran under the bed. I decided I would spray some "floral scented" raid under the bed to try and "scare it out" (mistake #2) this obviously only upset the creature because it went into hiding and the fumes funkified the air to the point of near asphyxiation. Well, I was not about to stay in my apartment now that I was doomed with this bug. I tore the place apart for hours until I found the little monster. It had crawled into my pillowcase. Unfortunately, neither the bug nor the pillow made it out alive that night as I threw the pillow out the window. As the encases roach was plummeting three stories to his death I am positive he told the "others" what I had done because I had three more "situations" occur after this incident. Each time I had gone to get in bed and the roaches were either ON my pillow or UNDER my pillow. There truly is nothing more terrifying. Well, this concludes part one in my Insect series but I encourage you to stay tuned for part two where I will discuss "poisonous spiders take back the deck" and "fire ants: the spawns of satan."